Loopholes of the Universe

Yes, I am a materialistic American, a slave to the almighty dollar. But I am trying my best to resist this inherent reality of society. In short, my life seems to be an endless search for loopholes; in fact, these wonderful existential snafus are probably the only reason I made it this far this well. Dictionary.com defines 'loophole' in this sense as "a means of escape or evasion; a means or opportunity of evading a rule, law, etc."


One example of a loophole that I was recently reminded of is the ever-persistent deadline. People try to make you think that things must be done by a certain time OR ELSE. These people are bluffing, and there usually little to no repercussions for accomplishing thins at your own leisure. This mentality could fuck me over at any point admittedly, but like I said I've made it this far. What I often forget is the only thing that means the end of the world is death; everything else is immaterial. What myself and I think many others are searching for is The Big Loophole, the lifestyle that will allow you to just live your life instead of killing yourself all the time. In fact, many people pursue this loophole by killing themselves while continuing to live in physical form and although I am a proponent of general indifference, this seems ultimately counter intuitive if the pursuit of life is your goal. Almost nobody actually likes working for a living. We tell ourselves that without a job we wouldn't know what to do with ourselves, but I don't believe that for a second. The only reason I found unemployment unnerving was because I was still trying to find a job. The question remains; how do we break through this monotonous shell that the world has provided for us and find a carefree life? I can chant hakuna matata" all I want, there's still no palpable change. Homelessness can't be the only solution, although that is certainly an escape of sorts. I can't speak credibly about the conditions of being homeless, I've never truly starved before.

Scientists search for knowledge of the mysterious black hole, which is sort of like a loophole for space. In a way this quest is universal (no pun intended), and is similar to the ever popular philosophical endeavor concerning the meaning of life.


The Big Loophole is probably not such an outright conception as it is a series of changes that can be made to one's life, easing the experience bit by bit. I've discovered many loopholes in my time, and I'm still searching for many more; after all, the loopholes are endless.

Loophole #3: Scholarships and financial aid; your loophole to a college education.

Loophole #167: Dumpster diving; the tried and true method in the vein of living for less.

Loophole #1: How can my essential needs be easily met in an un-inflated manner, while I can focus on doing the things I actually want to do? At this point I'm under the impression that the only way to do this would be living on the road, and working in exchange for food. That way you can see the world, and you're never necessarily tied down. Another answer to this cosmic dilemma would be moving to France; at least there (from what I've heard), it's much more of a work less, live more society. This is the eternal quest for the divine loophole.

Loophole #20: How can I get into bars without being carded?

Loophole #111-5: The American Recovery and Reinvestment Act of 2009; a national loophole.

Loophole #53: What exception would allow me to go on a date with either of these women?





I guess this guy found a loophole in the form of insanity.



Speaking of loopholes, the state of California is more desperate for one than anybody. The state won't go bankrupt because it will keep inventing congressional loopholes to stay afloat, but how crazy would that be if it actually did? Just ponder that for a second. Anyways, The Great California Garage Sale took place this weekend. That's right, the state government opened up a capitol warehouse full of random shit for sale to the public. No, they didn't have limited edition copies of Terminator 3.

Bike Chicago

I love biking here. The terrain is flat, there are bike lanes on many of the roads, and the drivers are more acclimated to cyclists. Really there is no reason to have a car in Chicago. I can go anywhere I want in the city in a half-hour, usually less. I average at least ten miles a day, and often much more than that.

When you do get hassled for riding in the road here (which rarely happens), it's a major foresight error on the douchebag's part; in Chicago there's tons of traffic, so you're going to be stopping at some point, which is when I spit on you.

I also enjoy Hawking on Hummers, wherein you apply the biggest loogie you can muster to every dumbass vehicle you see. I got a giant one on a hummer limo last night. Justice!

And holy shit, there's a Critical Mass monthly here.

Completely unrelated thoughts:
-There's more film than food in my refrigerator right now.
-If you're ever in the mood for trying something new, an iced Americano is not the way to go. It's literally ice, water and espresso.

People are shooting each other

Across the nation and around the world, people are sticking to their guns.

It's hard to find information about the rate of gun violence for this year, or even last year. I guess there's a bit of a delay in data processing considering the FBI doesn't have anything post-2005. You know the FBI, they're secretive, but one would hope they are at least aware of what's going on. In 2007 there were 16,929 murders in the United States and in 2005 there were roughly 475,000 incidents involving gun violence.

In this past week alone there have been a number of stories involving people getting shot on the east coast, including a turf war between lobster fishermen, a 72 year-old taking out four robbers, and a man withstanding seven bullets.

Reform Madness

That's right, it's the silver socialism in their tongues itself, the health care reform bill. The latest interview on the daily show provides more insight into this issue than anything I've seen to date. Betsy McCaughey plays the pandering PhD'd politico (who is occasionally majorly condescending) and Jon Stewart is in his I-actually-know-my-shit mode.

Honestly, this whole thing makes me want to become an Anarchist. And I'm a firm believer that Anarchy is the stupidest system of government imaginable. So that explains how ridiculous sauce the health care debate has become.

Blast On

Of course I'm self centered. I'm a writer. Who else would just assume that their thoughts should be put on public display? At least painters are sharing their vision to some degree. The writer will provide you with the outline for a vision but c'mon, you're gonna be doing some work here too. No no no, put down the remote control. Read a book buddy. Do yourself some good, huh?

Anyways, I decided the reason I create is to try to reach outer space. By which I mean art should be as full blown outlandish as it can get. Because if the universe has limits, they should be pushed.



And phallic symbols.

Hollywoodstock

They're really milking this 40th anniversary for everything it's worth. Lollapolooza is free too, as long as you can hop a fence and run. This movie is a weird choice, to say the least. And by weird I mean somewhat disturbing. Nothing is sacred.

Oh Woodstock, what have you become?

Anyways, it doesn't get any better than this:

Girl Inform Me

Modern feminism is welcome to make any claim it feels like, freedom of speech is granted everyone. And no, women and minorities are still making about 75 cents on every dollar that the white man makes; total bullshit. It's not like it would even be hard to pass a law that says "Hey! You have to pay these people equally!" Enforcing said law would be the hard part.

Granted the world is a muddled muddled mess, and many of the numerous difficult issues and major social dilemmas we face seem to be getting progressively worse. Greed is one of the active themes of the world today, maybe not in the majority of the population, but certainly in the authoritative population. In short, everything is so screwed up that it's completely overwhelmed us.

Luckily for us troubled peoples of the 21st century, a foundation dubbed The Girl Effect has got the final solution (pun intended) to all these baffling disasters. The best news is they've got a video! Go ahead, inform yourself for a minute. That's right; 55% of our population is actually the answer to 100% of our issues. Makes sense to me.

Honestly, I'm not sure how to react to this. Maybe they're just bitter because Hillary isn't president. Whatever the case, as well intended as this might seem, it's a bit of a stretch. First the entire platform is a little vague, a little abstract. I don't know if they're serious about giving girls cows, but that hardly seems like the miracle it would take to put us on the right track (whatever track that is). The main misconception here is the idea that the poor economy is the root of all evils at this point, but many of these problems are longstanding and were around even while we were in a surplus.

The main argument that people who support this could use is the classic "Men have been the dominant authority figures for basically our entire history, so you can't say that women couldn't do it better" defense. Okay, many of the men who run the world have been up to some dubious activity. It is highly optimistic to think that women would do a better job of running the world, but really I can't buy it. People are the problem, gender regardless, and every woman I've ever met was just as human as I am, and any human combined with power is a highly unstable reaction.

I think the reason this concept does not work is that it still perpetuates a holistically capitalist agenda, a system that is ultimately unsustainable. The web site preaches "women invest in their families, which in turn benefits the economy." I'm not saying there's anything bad in investing in your family, I just don't understand how that can benefit an entire population. Look, nobody knows how to deal with the towering, toppling state of the world. The main reason for this is the fact that there are way more people on the planet than at any point prior to this (I know this seems elementary), and the governments of the world are having a difficult time handling that kind of volume. Especially when many of our fundamental operations are sorely outdated; these are mandates which may have worked fifty years ago, but at this point things need reform. Unfortunately, reformation is a very difficult thing to execute, especially in a democracy; most changes will be minor and therefore insufficient. We are effectively living in the past. So what? Revolution? Is that even possible anymore?

It's not all this bad though. Things may continue to become more and more convoluted, but there will be positives as well. Technology is expanding at a rate far faster than the population. Culturally speaking things could get pretty interesting. In fact, it's almost guaranteed. Just think about our rate of acceleration. In the U.S. alone we've increased by 100 million people in exactly 40 years. Right now there are about 6.7 billion people in the world. By 2025, we will supposedly be cruising at 8 billion.

The Shins!

The Worst Possible Way to Execute Health Care Reform: A Bourgeois Proposal

Here goes everything.

Since Washington is currently running absolutely amuck considering dishonest options that will please everyone in the nation (especially the conservative minority), I thought we could cut through all the complicated bullshit with a brutally honest plan (in its delivery at least) which panders to those who actually make the rules; the upper class. Having said that, my relatively simple (conceptually) proposal is as follows:

-The only people allowed access to formal health care will be the upper 15% of the population, since they're the only ones who can realistically afford it at this point. And I mean the entirety of health care; doctors, hospitals, drugs, crutches, the whole shebang. Plenty of these people are already doctors anyway, or at least CEO's for pharmaceutical corporations, so they should be able to hold down the fort. Literally, 'fort'. You have to keep the diseased masses out dammit. Health care programs for the rich will stay exactly the way they are now; privatized. The eventual outcome that we can hope for here is without the lower 85% to prey on, the upper class will become so competitive and inflated in its own ranks that it self destructs.

-The middle class (defined here as the population between the upper 85% and the lower 50%) will be allowed access to resources. That's it. NO PENICILLIN! Some will manage to fend for themselves, but the majority of those who become seriously ill will now be doomed. Population control! Eventual outcome to look for; the middle class, supposedly being the ones with enough backbone to fuck with the upper class, will develop a tougher skin and maybe muster up the will to wage war on the bourgeois (don't hold out on this one).

-The lower class will receive no accommodations. They can rely on homegrown medicine and family secrets to survive. The good news for them is the lower class has a history of incredible durability, being able to survive just about anything. Sure lots of them will die (population control!), but there's enough of them to where it won't make a difference. Eventual outcome to hope for in the lower class scenario; the poverty stricken peoples of America will develop a new super disease, which will develop into a pandemic, killing 99% of the population.

Prime objective: Apocalypse. The current state of civilization has become so hopeless that depreciation has reached the point where it's better to wipe the slate 99% clean, leaving the remaining 1% to start the whole futile cycle once again. I'm not serious, of course. But it's food for thought. I often find myself to be pro-apocalyptic, regardless of whether or not I would survive. It's the same as how some of us can embrace life so much, and at the same time realize that death is a positive thing and anticipate its beauty and tranquility with not a trace of morbid melancholy.


In more realistic news on health care:
"Given hardening Republican opposition to Congressional health care proposals, Democrats now say they see little chance of the minority’s cooperation in approving any overhaul, and are increasingly focused on drawing support for a final plan from within their own ranks."
-NY Times

That's right. The Republican minority will be dragged like the screaming, kicking child it is into the future.

Why are owls so indie?

In what we are told is a (post)modern era, indie has become the most fashionable thing to be, whether "it" is actually independently produced or not. Now indie has evolved into a synonym of hip; the definition has become abstracted, as is the case with much of our language. It forces one to consider the big picture, which looks like this:



Anyway, the more pressing question is why are owls the hipsters of the animal kingdom? Observe:

Miles From Nowhere

The good news is I live in Chicago, which is the exact opposite of this title. I can read virtually any book for free through the Chicago Public Library, with a branch conveniently located one block from my apartment. Right now I'm about 200 pages into Miles From Nowhere, the debut novel by Nami Mun. Even better news: this talented woman is my fiction writing professor for the fall semester at Columbia. If you're looking for the next book to pick up, I highly recommend Mun's powerful novel about a teenage Korean runaway's life in New York City. Beautiful prose, intense material, and innovative, engaging storytelling make this one of the best books I've read since the last book I read (The Stranger by Albert Camus; I try to make all the books I read great since life is short). This is better than Camus though. Way better.

"Life's about confirming what we already know."
-Nami Mun



Buy it here